Being called a ‘control freak’ isn’t meant as a compliment, is it? I remember Tony Blair in the 90s being labelled a control freak for wanting to know everything that was going on in government. Personally, I don’t think this is a such a bad thing in a country’s Prime Minister.
And of course, too much control freakery is tiresome, not just for you but for everyone around you.
However, the flip side of it is being too relaxed about everything and letting things slide. And this is dangerous.
Things we shouldn’t, but do, let slide:
- Talking to ourselves negatively (“I can’t believe you said that, you’re such an idiot”).
- Predicting things are going to go badly, or catastrophising (“I’m so nervous, it’s all going to go horribly wrong, argh!!”).
- Spending your precious time with drains, not fountains: maybe it’s your partner, friend and/or family member, who bring you down a bit too much.
- Visualising stuff going well (slow and steady breathing, recalling a time when it was all really great for you, slowing your mind).
- Being sure of ourselves (I regularly tell myself “I know exactly what I’m doing”, because I do, but quite often I forget!)
I believe we need to wear our Confidence Control Pants every day. Or at least put them on in certain circumstances.
Case in point: I was in a very hip part of London last week, coaching a super nervous and under confident client.
She’s at the point in her career where she can’t avoid delivering talks and presentations, which is when most people’s self-confidence gets its coat and heads for the door.